Somebody messaged me and requested if they might see a photograph of me from the facet. Lengthy story quick, it was due to a thread on Fb the place I used to be chatting about irritation. I had Brady snap this picture actually fast.
Then he handed the cellphone again to me and I needed to do a double take.
Is that actually me?
See, the flip facet of dropping plenty of weight is having to relearn your physique. Most days I don’t really feel like I’m 130 kilos, I really feel extra like 190. This. Is. Physique. Dysmorphia.
My thoughts retains telling me I’d look nice if I misplaced 50 extra kilos however I do know that’s loopy, hear, I KNOW.
Usually I battle it with sort phrases, affirmation, reassuring myself that I’m wholesome, I’m robust, and I actually don’t have anything left to lose…
I don’t at all times really feel this manner, it’s a sense that comes and goes. Identical to I didn’t at all times really feel horrible once I was obese.
After my private experiences I can actually say I now perceive either side of the coin. I grew up with a sister that was 5’9 appeared like a goddess in a dimension 2, 120 kilos soaking moist.
She used to say issues like”GOSH I’M SO FAT! I’M LIKE A WHALE! MY BELLY IS HUGE!” And I’d suppose, “Expensive God in Heaven, if she is fats, then what am I?” 😳
Right here’s the factor, once I felt bloated, stuffed, and icky once I was 260 kilos, it’s the identical feeling I get once I’m bloated, stuffed, and feeling icky at 135 kilos.
The distinction is at 260 I knew I used to be massive, at 135… there’s a worry of going again. So now, as a result of it’s the identical feeling, once I look within the mirror I don’t simply see just a little bloat. I see 260 kilos.
Please be sort, trigger I’m getting actually actual with y’all right here.
There’s a skinny wrestle. There’s a chunk of me that may’t get skinny sufficient, there’s a chunk of me that was in harmful territory of taking it from wholesome to disordered consuming. As a result of I’ve fats goggles. As a result of its tough to see something then what I’ve recognized for the previous 15 years of my life.
I’ve combatted this all through my complete journey. It’s why I selected to cease reducing weight once I hit the excessive finish of regular for my peak as an alternative of low. As a result of I’m greater than a quantity on the dimensions or a facet view profile.
Truthfully I don’t 100% know what I’m attempting to get at right here. However I do need to say that I get it, whether or not you’re 300 kilos or 130 kilos, I get it. This little house that I’ve right here on the web may be summed up in these phrases. “I get it, I’m with you, I’m sorry, I do know that it sucks and it’s laborious and it’s actually not truthful. I see you, I’ve been there, greater than you recognize.” Whether or not you’re struggling together with your weight, your physique picture, self-love, or acceptance, I’m in your facet.
Lastly, I’m within the thick of it with you as a result of for so far as I’ve come I nonetheless have a lot left to do and I’m so grateful to have you ever right here with me.
Initially revealed on Instagram, click on right here to see the unique submit.
To learn extra about my journey, click on right here.